Manjusaka
by Anil Pheonix
Summary: A story that begins where the other ends and life is not always what it seems. Fate is everchanging, nothing is set in stone and happiness comes and goes as the seasons do, but so is sadness and grief. so are many things in the lives of heres long forgotten, or perhaps, remembered. Post manga, rated M for later Chapters
1. Prologue

_**Manjusaka**_

_**"What should I protect? Without a doubt doubt there was only one thing; an echoing cry, a sound made in vain within the deep forest. The reason I could hold aback my tears was because of the warmth when our fingers touched. A future witbout you holds no meaning to me..." **_

_**-Kimi Ga Inai Nari by Do as infinity**_

***Prologue***

_**Gone was her smile.**_

_**Gone was her laugh.**_

_**Gone was her cent.**_

_**Gone was her warmth.**_

_**Gone was Kagome**_

The Meido he'd gained suddenly appeared without warning, pulling Kagome away, his claws missed her, grasping at air. She screamed his name and vanished.

InuYasha had gone after her, fought the demons inside the jewel and won. With his strength she found the courage to make her wish, the one that ended it all, and the Jewel was gone forever. After centuries of struggle, loss and pain, by all who held it. At last it was finally over.

It was only the battles and the bloodshed that had ended, and that was his intent, he'd fulfilled his promise to Kikyo, to all those killed and tormented by Naraku and the jewel's power. He'd done it for them, for his friends and for Kagome…

_**She taught him how to make friends, and rely on those friends.**_

_**She showed him that it was alright to shed tears for others.**_

_**Because of Kagome, he understood true strength and kindness...**_

"Kagome was born to meet me... and I was born for her!" He'd declaired, he'd believed it was true, knew it was so. Why else then, was she forced into his life and made to be a part of it, if only to be taken away? Was this some devine punishment?

Everything Kagome was, had gone with her, and everything she'd given him she'd unwittingly stolen back.

Without her presence he felt empty, like there was nothing around him, there were moments such as now that he'd sit and wonder, staring at the stars and ask himself what became of Kagome, wondered if he'd ever know the fate of the girl who'd become so precious to him.

Without her he was calm, but he felt like he was exhibiting the glacial calm of resignation to a goodbye…

_**He missed her smile.**_

_**He missed her warmth.**_

_**He missed her laugh.**_

_**He missed her scent...**_

Without Kagome he was calm, but he felt like he was exhibiting the glacial calm of resignation to a gopdbye…

_**Never again see her smile**_

_**Never hear her laugh**_

_**Never feel her warmth…**_

He missed the contented calm he felt only when he was near her, the ways in which she'd turn around all fiery eyed and furious over whatever stupid thought spilled from his mouth, the tension always kept him on his toes and made his life exciting, made him care more for those around them, made him happy because it was always them, and never him alone…

_**She's safe.**_

_**She's alive.**_

_**She's loved...**_

These were the things he repeated to himself over and over again, trying to resist the temptation to run to the well and spend hours looking down into it's empty depths, hesitate beforehand wondering if this would be the day he'd be permitted entry to her time. His hopes were dashed each time he touched the cold earth, it was a cruel reminder of the reality of things…she wasn't coming back… but nothing would stop him from seeing Kagome one last time…

"InuYasha?" A voice shook him from his thoughts. InuYasha looked up at the man, hadn't he seen him before?

"Why not come with me? I have a few things to do away from the village would you mind accompanying me? I'll be leaving soon." Miroku placed a comforting hand on InuYasha's shoulder, the hanyou started, looking up at him. For a moment his golden eyes were void of recognition before he blinked, coming back from the distant plane he'd previously occupide.

"Yeah, sure. In a bit." He stood. He looked so exhausted, aged maybe, It'd not yet been a month and he'd already fallen so far.

"Excellent I'll return to get you when it's time." Muroku smiled encouragingly before returning to the villege, and his own thoughts.

They all missed Kagome, for this was certain, she had united them all somehow. With her loving embrace and acceptance. She welcomed them each into her life, this and their common foe was what they shared till his demise, yet somehow it felt empty without her company, a piece of them was missing, but they carried on, intent to live happily because they knew this was Kagome's wish.

For InuYasha however, she was his world and it was shattering around him without her presence.

His complacency worried Miroku, his agitation and temper had completely vanished, leaving this obedient dog in InuYasha's skin, InuYasha often seemed at an instant as if he were to escape, about to lash out at anyone, as would be normal and welcome, but after turning and screaming, as if in throws of an innards battle, he'd sit calmly. Quiet.

This was brought to their attention upon the last visit from Sesshoumaru he'd expected sneering comments, some banter, a battle in the fields, some semblance of life in the man's eyes, yet all he did was look down from the tree he'd perched on as his brother looked up at him. Anything would have been preferable to this empty shell of InuYasha.

_InuYasha sat among the leaves, staring up at the cloads, his hands in his lap as a leg dangled from his_

_"Have you become a cat now InYasha?" the daiyoukai stared unblinking, his impassive mask held firm,_

_"Hay there Sesshoumaru. How you doin'?" InuYasha leaped from the tree, leaves and blossoms fluttering, and turned away, knowing no reapply was forthcoming_

_"Well, I see your brother has learned some respect." Jakan stated a proud grin on his face. "Isn't it wonderful milord?" He looked towards his master._

_"Hn." Sesshoumaru said nothing but continued on toward the withering scent of ol'Kaede._

_"Lord Sesshoumaru!" the girl greeted him with great exuberance, she had grown, perhaps it was that he saw her less._

_"Good morning Lord Sesshoumaru." Kaede greeted kindly as she mixed a pot of stew over the fire, he nodded_

_"Rin I hope you have fared well." He kneled to her level and held a parcel out to her. Rin accepted it with great excitement and gratitude as she saw the blue patterned Kimono peeking between the strips of paper._

_"Rin is well." She smiled and looked away. in the distant forest Rin could see InuYasha carrying a bundle of firewood, a grateful couple accepted the offoring. She watched him in his dazed state as he noticed other villagers asking for small favors, those at least who dud not sneer or spit there disapproval._

_InuYasha's expression was downcast, and to Rin he looked terribly unhappy and lonely._

_She turned her attention to her Lord. "But InuYasha isn't. He looks so mellencully My Lord."_

_Sesshoumaru looked over to his brother. Nothing could be read from the daiyoukai's expression. Wheather he cared for this brothers current stat could not be disiphered. _

_"Not to fear Rin, whatever that half-breed whelp has he will overcome it, after all he has thwarted the power of Lord Sesshoumaru countless times and has come out alive, no illness could possibly harm hi-" as Sesshoumaru's foot and weight left the imp in his passing, he turned to leave, eyeing the hanyou from the corner of his eye before stepping onward._

_"He will need time Rin, he is deeply injured and it will take time to heal, if he recovers at all." Kaede explained, Rin gave her full undevided attention._

_"Why can't we help him find medicine, make him stay so he can get better. He'll be himself again, I don't like this quiet -Chan doesn't either, he cries sometimes, Says Inothing helps nuYasha._

_"Nor do I child, Miroku and Sango are doing their best, it seems however that their efforts are is no cure for heartsickness._

_"What about Kagome-sama? Do you think she could help?" a fearful concern overcame the girl's face and realization came to her features. Tears began to flow from the girl's great brown eyes. Stopping Sesshoumaru in his tracks for he'd never smelled her tears. She was a strong girl who rarely shied away from things that would frighten other children and when such times did occer, someone was injured or she was affraid. He turned on his heel, stepping through the threshold once again and sat himself at Rin's side, his eyes promising death on the old woman._

_Kaede smiled wanly. "Ay if Kagome were here." _

_"But why isn't she be here?" Run cried, "I don't want InuYasha to die. There are people who love him!"_

_This perhaps startled Sesshoumaru, he did not show it, but his eyes remained set on Run consider herself one of that number? _

_"I-is she dead?" She whipped her face of the tear tracks that continued flow._

_"No girl. She is not dead, nor do I think she is injured, Kagomem is safe from what InuYasha says, returned to her family where she belongs."_

_"Oh. InuYasha said that?" Ladder nodded. "Alright." Rin whipped her tears, a troubled expression remained fixed to her features._

_"Why can't we see her then? Will her family allow her to be with InuYasha? Is it because he's part youkai? Maybe if we told them how nice and reliable he is they'd let him see her, than he wouldn't have to die." Rin's fists wee clenched. _

_"I fear it is more complicated than that Rin." Kaede sighed. "Perhaps another time I may explain, Kagome is from a very distant country, she has missed her family a great deal, and Kagome's time with us has ended. it is time for lunch now"_

It wasn't possible to go back to the time when he hadn't known Kagome, it was impossible to go forward to a place without her with him but this battle he'd found himself in. He knew he had to fight it alone. A life he just wanted to forget and dusaper. Vanish into himself and join Kagome inside his memories where nothing changed and she would always be by his side.

"I was born for Kagome! And she was born for me!" InuYasha told himself. He knew it to be so, but then why at the last moment did he vanish from her world only to be tossed back into his own, never to return to her again? it was always this doubt, these questions that monster that created them that he was fighting

Following Miroku on his errends, nights after he fell asleep InuYasha often went out looking at the stars; they were the same stars in Kagome's time. Surely she could see them there. Night was the same in both worlds, his and her's. Was she looking at the stars now? Was the moon full? Always his thoughts were with her.

_**No one had known Midoriko. And few remembered her.**_

_**Few remembered Kikyo but no one knew her.**_

_**How many people remembered Kagome?**_

_**How many still knew her?**_

People remembered little, they remembered her deeds, her strangeness and the way it didn't fit in with their world. So how could she fit so perficlty into his life? they didn't know the pieces that made up Kagome. Things like, talking in her sleep, making beautiful culinary works of art that tasted less than apetising, having a weakness for cute and fuzzy things, her terror for worms, her short temper in defense of others, _**(short temperedwith him) **_her faith in him and those they knew her presence, her encouraging words and all things, though small, nobody else would know these things were _Kagome._

He realized with a certain harshness that resigned him that he was not the only person to love and care for Kagome, she had her family, had known them, known they loved her, who couldn't? He'd known the moment she'd ran to her mother. He knew he could not carry the burden of protecting her alone, it wasn't a burden exactly, rather a great responsability, one he wanted to keep, but in keeping her, he'd be keeping her love from them too. He only hoped she would remember them when she continued with her life.

He daren't think her life without him. As long as he knew she was happy and safe, in her time, that was enough, he needed it to be.

Things were alright, they would be someday, but the unease crept into him like an infection, while the loneliness cut at his heart.

To the people's who's lives were saved by the priestess in strange cloths, the girl of time, they thought they knew enough to love her, or hate her, they saw a human girl, a kind priestess, perhaps even a common street hore, with an affinity for demons. Few if any saw her as just a girl who's true powers weren't that of a Miko or youkai, mortal or not. It was s power unto herself, bringing people together, the most unlikely of people at that, was her gift, taking them and changing them for the better, she'd been the only girl he'd ever known to befriend ghosts, hanyou and youkai, it one to change their ways. He hoped she'd never lose that power, being alone didn't suit her, she needed to give her smiles and her warmth to those who had none. Kagome was meant to be loved by everyone.

To the pack of friends they'd gathered she was a girl thrust into a life not meant for her eyes. Her inate ability to see the good in people who otherwise would go on ignored and alone, she was known for her temper, her quick wit, formidable power and her gentle spirit, but then, Kagome was Kagome, and Kagome could do anything.

So then, what did this mean? Hadn't she wanted to come back to him? Had she gone on with her life? Gotten married? Had children? He turned the thought away, silencing the gnarling tremmer in his throat… too soon for that.

Still she wasn't back and he knew he could never pass through the well again. Kagome hadn't died, had she? gotten herself killed by one of those _**vehicles**_?Had those _**tests **_done her in? Was there something worse he didn't know about? Did a _**school of choice **_devour her? Had they really been as weak as he'd thought? Or were they as difficult as Kagome said? He'd heard mention that a _**car **_which was a _**vehicle **_had killed bot her father and grandmother, so it had to be fierce.

He shoved that thought away too, refusing to examine it further while it lingered in the corner of his mind, always present and unwanted. Would he rather Kagome hate him? Or even possibly, forget him? He liked these ideas no more than the other possibilities but any one of them was preferable to thinking Kagome had died without him by her side to comfort and protect her, not knowing was the hardest part. Knowing would give his thhthoughts something to grasp, his heart was already gone.

The new moon wascoming, a new moon without Kagome to comfort him, where could he hide? Where would he go?

"InuYasha?" Miroku stood over him again. "You ready?"

InuYasha stood, turning hijack on the well.

"We must make arrangements for the impending new moon." Miroku sighed.

"It's not that big a deal." InuYasha snapped, though he was terrified...


	2. Ichi

_**Manjusaka**_

_**"Four scene love and laughter. I'll be alright being alone...Four scene of love and laughter. I will be okay."**_

_**-Four Seasons By Namie Amuro**_

_**Ichi**_

**He taught her to love. **

**He taught her courage **

_**He taught her to have faith in other people, and in herself.**_

With InuYasha by her side she could do anything, because she had friends who loved her and knew her, nothing could touch her...

InuYasha was her protector, friend, and somehow meant more than words could say.

Songo was her comforter, her sister, friend, yet still these words were hollow. Their bond of sisterhood and friendship was soul deep, quiet talks, and strength they found within eachother were precious moments that connected them.

Kirara, a feline friend, but more than a pet or a comrade in arms, she'd been guardian to all in their party an ear to listen, even if two of which had been a dog and Kitsune she never minded.

Shippo was their kid brother, bratty, cowardly, annoying sweet, loving, brave in his own rights, and strong of heart. He depended upon InuYasha as Kagome supposed he'd never been before her. Shippo provided them all with someone to protect, to test their patience with, to spoil rotting, or vent their frustrations, _(if you were InuYasha that is) _Shippo cheered them up with his fox magic and artistry and made them smile. In the end, he was the boy they'd all rush to defend, even if his mature and ignorant moments came at the most inopertune times, often embarressing them all with his bluntness, that was what little brothers did wasn't it?

Miroku had done many things, wtought havoc, worried them, comforted them, angerd them, protected and consoled them. his guidence was often saught after whenever confusion and uncertainty plagued his companions. He made them furious, made them cry, made them worry, but his words often granted the listener a glimpse into their own actions and emotions, and other's too.

With everyone on the other side, and the well sealed. She had no way to find solace in her world. She'd attended classes, studied hard and tried to ignore the growing pain in her chest.

Leaving Sengoku Jidai had been something she hadn't considered, hadn't wanted to think about. Before her grandfather explained that the only way to destroy the jewel was to make '_**The one correct wish.' **_she'd neve considered it being the end to everything.

Kagome wanted to keep the well open, but realized that even Naraku's wish hadn't been granted, that the jewel twisted desires and turned them into benevolent actions the holder never intended.

The well couldn't do that. It was something that swirled with demonic energy, connected to the jewel by the monsters inside it. Once it'd gone, that too, disappeared. It couldn't devour her, or InuYasha they were human, at least in part for him. He was also alive. Kagome figured it must've either rejected or transported what it couldn't absorb. At least it was a theory. Sounga had in it's presence been living, as was Yura's hair.

Kagome however wanted to only think of it as a magic well that had given her the adventures of a lifetime, cherished friends and a renewed understanding of herself. It, like her had served it's purpose...

She'd faced the darkness, the beasts of the jewel itself and had been feeling her own wish, her own human desire to not be alone and be with the ones she felt most safe, InuYasha yes, but her family too. She had wanted them both. The jewel would never grant them to very same as Kikyo and Naraku, no not Naraku, the man Onigumo, he'd wanted to be with Kikyo, somewhere in his heart she'd touched him, deep enough to surpass even Naraku's power, though clouded Onigimo's feelings had been, it was still love at the core. Lust was strong, as was hatred, but his love had been all he could offer to protect her for at least a little while. all that could be given by a human heart...

It became harder as the days dragged on to remember her friends, their faces and voices harder to remember their perception of her. No longer able to deflect the waves of expectations everyone else pushed at her, expectations of normalcy, interest and talents she couldn't ever have. She wanted to be the person they saw, confidant, determined, stubborn, decicive, resourceful and strong.

She had attempted it on many occasions, to hide away reminders so the pain in her chest, the silent agony she'd craved to be rescued from would go away. Those who could help, were now unable to do so, those whom could console her, were left with no means for which they could help her.

How was she supposed to handle never seeing him again? Never unexpectedly finding him home waiting for her? She wanted so badly to be saved from the crushing loneness, she was feeling.

Curling in on herself, her hand hesitant to reach for what she wanted. Only pictures were left, stolen moments of joy or peace in a time of war and bloodshed, but the photos weren't them. they didn't have the laughter, the warmth, the true selves of her friends. the parts she needed weren't with her anymore.

Kagome pictured a tiny InuYasha and knew that this feeling was the burdon he carried. No one able to accept him, and no one would ever believe her, save her family that while they knew of her shard hunts, they didn't see the horors, the bloodied corpses, the tragody, the web of betrayal Naraku weaved, the nightmares she'd had the past year were of monsters and evil men, things she saw behind her closed eyelids, couldn't be soothed by her mother's words. Her dreams were real...

Friendship, love, courage and wisdom had kept them all alive, the very essence of a pure soul. It drew them together, eventually the jewel of four souls had torn them apart. Like a pure soul. Kagome supposed they were never really meant to be together, because if a pure soul could not exist, neither could they.

It was for the best. After all how could she expect to continue journeying with InuYasha while the jewel and those after it were still at large creating suffering and death in their wake. There had to be an end eventually, that'd been what they were fighting for, right?

Still the selfish part of her wanted it to go on forever. Did this desire make her evil? Remain by InuYasha's side as long as there were shards to hunt and Naraku to use them, followed by such tragedy and hatred, countless lives sacrificed by those controlled by the jewel and those too who sought it's power.

Kagome threw herself onto the covers, unable to look at the happy faces of her friends she shouldn't of had.

It was human, the selfishness, loneliness, just as lust and love were part of being human, but it was also wrong, if it went on any longer, there'd be more deaths, more lives destroyed. No matter how badly she wanted to return, the sacrifice could never be worth it.

_**To be lonely.**_

_**To surely suffer.**_

She couldn't stop thinking of him, of them, so little time had passed since her return to her own time, started school, a new routine and every day hopeing, wishing InuYasha would come to disrupt it.

_**What was time to those that lived forever?**_

_**What was forever to those who could overcome time? **_

_**A lifetime in a moment.**_

_**A moment is forever...**_

It would be their first new moon apart. though time was different, moon cycles weren't the same. It could have already come and gone.

Kagome assured herself that Miroku and Sango, Kouga and Shippo would protect his secret and his life.

Still, why hadn't he come for her? Was he alive? Would he still remember her? Had he done something stupid and gotten himself injured? He was known for such idicy. Surly he didn't die. He was InuYasha, strong and stubborn. Hopeless too, but...

No! He was fine, surrounded by friends, people who loved and respected him.

She knew how strong he was. He was safe... She Shook away the memories of torn flesh, bloodied cloths, crimson bandages...She'd seen him injured so many times, over such stupid things, but she'd seen him live through it all as if nothing had happened.

How could she even doubt him? How dare she! She needed to know he was safe...

"Stupid InuYasha." She muttered, the lump in her throat growing. It was all his fault, she decided. Though how exactly that was and for what she blamed him for, she didn't know, the hurt perhaps, and the emptiness in her heart was a good start.

If she had never met InuYasha, the jewel would never''ve been discovered, Naraku wouldn't of slaughtered Sango's people for their shard, Shippo's father would've lived, able to combat the lesser Thunder-Brothers' power, ignorantly guarding the jewel in her body till she was old and gray, with children and grandchildren-a luxury Miroku wouldn't of had, Naraku may not of been as powerful as he became after the scattering of countless shards, but then, he hadn't needed them to curse Monk Miyatsu.

Kagome tried to think of more pleasant fates for her leturous friend, none if which involving a bed and a lively women, no she daren't think that till she got past Naraku's defeat without her interference. There were no solutions.

Was she born only to return the jewel, shatter it and gather the broken pieces just to destroy it with Naraku? If so why make friends? Why love them, if after all was said and done, she could never say goodbye?

Without them, she couldn't decide what she wanted to be, didn't seem to fit into her own world.

Not knowing who she was or what she wanted to become. She hadn't known before, and she didn't know now.

_**Who was she?**_

_**What was her purpose? **_

_**Was she a warrior or a woman?**_

Kagome had no goals or aspirations beyond that of other _normal _students. To pass her exams and get a good education. A goal shared by countless parents and children alike.

Kagome looked at her hands. Nothing had ever belonged to just her, nothing that had been _Kagome. _Her soul, and appearence had belonged to Kikyo, Her life, belonged to her family, her existence, the jewel. She probably had no talent either, not as Kikyo did, the woman had trained, she'd masterfully aquired grace with the skills of a priestess. Kagome fumbled, got frustrated eisily, fell pray to reduculous traps,and tripped far too often, her heart dangled on her sleeve, she cried too much, fretted over everything. How many times had she subdued InuYasha to take out her frustrations? Kikyo would never've done any of that. Enemies feard her, while Kagome was scrutinized and mocked. She needed the protection of her friends, she had no training, she had little to no grace. No purpose but to become fodder in some scheme of fate, to be despencable. She lacked, the skills, the knowledge to make her way in this life, though she studied hard, none of it panned out. Where could a girl who'd feigned illness to hunt jewel shards of legend in another time, go? Where did she belong? What could she offer society?

InuYasha was not there to fight alongside her. Kikyo no longer existed to challenge her reason to live, but then what differed between them to begin with? Did shearing the same soul matter? If so what could be left that was just her, and belonged to just her?

_**What makes you happy? **_

Kagome opened her eyes and reached for her friends, their faces captured in their moment of joy.

Her happiness was her own, just as her ties to her friends were her's alone. They'd make new friends of course, but nobody could take her place, just as she could never replace Kikyo. They were different in their imperfections, different personalities, and in how they'd chosen to lead their lives.

Sango was not there to console her. So she imagined her sitting at her desk, Kirara in her lap. In her mind Sango talked about her marriage to Miroku, and told her they missed her terribly.

Miroku was no longer able to lend his ear, but he stood contentedly by his new wife, holding her close, promising no harm would come to anyone they held dear so long as he lived.

Shippo could not raise her spirits with his fox magic, so she thought of him on her floor drawing pictures.

InuYasha could not protect her from that which hurt and frightened her, but he kept a constant vigil at the foot of her bed.

With these, Kagome fell asleep, the photograph of them all together, clenched tight in her fist.

Nightmares would plague her, for that there was no doubt, but not now at least, she had peace...


End file.
